He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
