You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
