There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
