Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
