Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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