I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
