I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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