You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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