you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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