Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
