Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
