Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
