stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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