an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
