youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My bed smells like the plague
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
