Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My ass is underappreciated
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
