My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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