I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
