I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
