you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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