i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize