trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
