It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
