Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
