on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize