its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
