he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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