Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
