I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
