Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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