True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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