Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wear drunk well.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
