R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
