So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
