if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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