Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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