I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
