thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
