So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
