how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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