I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
