someone threw a dead crab at me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Floor bacon is actually really good
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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