Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
