oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
