i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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