Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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