It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
