I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
