Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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