She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She announced her abortion via fbk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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