i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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