Are we in a gay sports bar?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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