Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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