i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize