I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
