am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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