Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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