By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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