k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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