Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
