none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
