He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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