she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
