I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
