Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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