I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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