shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
