I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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