Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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