If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
